I am a faithful believer in God. But there are constant "tests" in our lives. Sometimes it happens to be a PERSON (like WHY did God call my dear friend Kamala in the prime of her life?) - How can I explain that? Why did He call our dear friend, Carl? Why did He decide in the span of 2 years that my Mum, 2 sisters, a niece, Nando's Dad, Nando's cousin, 2 of my Uncles and 1 Aunt would/SHOULD all perish?? Perhaps my outlook is a poor one.....they say He only calls (early) the ones He loves the most.
And now we look at our sweet little doggie, Billy. We already had to euthanize our sweet doggie, Scooby - two years ago as (in spite of a life of almost 18 yrs as an epileptic dog) he was finally in PAIN and that we could not tolerate for his sake. At the moment, we are STRUGGLING every week at the veterinarian's office to find a CORRECT/GOOD blood sugar reading for our Billy. At first it was 5 (I'm going to say mg. because I don't know in what units insulin comes in). THEN (we go in for weekly visits until they can regulate his sugar) - it was 7 mg; a week later it was 10 mg; a week later it was 12 mg. and the last visit we made to vet's office - it's now up to to 15 mg. It feels all so UNFAIR. Here is this SWEET little dog who asks for little to nothing and SUDDENLY he is a "diabetic" (we have to give him 2 shots per day - but the dosage keeps changing ). He wants nothing in life except to give us unconditional love and kisses.
These are the moments I WONDER who God is and WHY He/She chooses to take such sweet, innocent animals and give them DIABETES. Whatever did poor Billy do in his past lifetime to "deserve" such a life in this one???
I know you will find it all "sick" but a friend of ours produced and directed a film called "The Day My God Died" about a sweet Nepalese girl whose parents SOLD her to a brothel at age 7 and how she coped (I won't spoil the ending; you can imagine what one ends up with after YEARS in a brothel in Mumbai). THAT was bad enough....and then I thought about the horrible case in Austria whereby the daughter's own biological father kept her in a basement, raping her until she had 3-4 children by him. My God, what was that poor girl ever thinking during those horrible years???? COULD she have believed in God at that time (as she heard her WICKED father's footsteps approaching to rape her?). Surely, she must've felt He had DIED (God) in her eyes. How could one hold on to a belief if one was so badly hurt? So many nights before I sleep in my PEACEFUL and comfortable bed, I cry, thinking of how that poor girl in Austria must've gone to bed - NOT sleeping - WAITING, WAITING for the footsteps of her evil biological father who had only the intentions of raping her (later he would say "I'm NO MONSTER!!!") - oh really??? Then what were you??? And I think about that poor sweet child from Nepal who was sent to a brothel in Mumbai - she was starved and they placed a live cobra in her room to force her to comply with what they wanted her to do.
And why does our poor, innocent Billy now suffer from a diabetes that cannot seem to be regulated? What "hateful crime" did this poor little guy ever commit in his past life to "deserve" this?? And WHAT did the innocent babies, children, women and men of Homs, Syria ever do to "deserve" being blasted by tanks and even airstrikes???
Please, God, TELL me you are STILL there??? I believe You love us with all Your heart - are You still there? Do You still love us?? Please say that you do!
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