Control Freaks....

Every now and again we encounter "control freaks" in our lives.  I have to tell you about my worst case scenario - about 8 years ago......I met a woman who, initially, befriended me with "all her heart" - anything I desired she was there to "help" - to help me thread a sewing machine, to help me with a pattern, to help me in any way she could.  How nice, I thought, to have such a friend.

Little by little there were "signs" but I didn't catch on.  During one sewing session at my house the phone rang, and as we had a business naturally I had to answer the phone.  "Well!  I have better things to do with my time than come help if you're going to CHAT on the phone!"  THAT should've alerted me to "control freak" (it's how they start).  The next was that I liked to make cornbread from a mix box.  "But I make mine from scratch!" she said adamantly "and you have FAR more time on your hands than I do!"  Right then I should've told her "LOOK - you go ahead and make your cornbread YOUR way, and I'll make mine MY way."  But as we are civilized, naturally, we don't say that, so "control freaks" gain more ground.  THEN she wanted to know why my pots and pans weren't spotless like hers are (I was beginning to get really get fed up with her at that point!).  "After all, it ONLY takes a few minutes of polishing and you have FAR more TIME on your hands than I do!!"

As you can imagine the "friendship" came to a close (over a stupid pair of glasses which my poor husband had grabbed in a rainstorm thinking they were mine).  I remember some of the things she had told me previously and don't know why I even let her go that far in controlling me.....my husband and I liked to shop at a certain supermarket and she told me "you know - Hispanics don't shop where you shop....they shop at the OTHER store!"  I resented that.  I shop were I darn well please, thank you!!

Then I remember my sweet, sweet friend, Jane (NOT a control freak at all), who (thank God) is still going at age 88!!  Jane was a seamstress and she taught me countless times how to thread a sewing machine, how to loosen the tension of the bobbin, etc. and Jane was just Jane...she never questioned what I did with "all that free time!" - she just shared with me and didn't tell me how to live my life.

I wonder if some control freaks failed in their lives (maybe they had bad experiences in their youths?) thus somehow need to CONTROL others to be happy.  I think of another sewing friend, Mary, who makes my face light up when I think of her innocence and her smile.....she helped me time after time to make a Tibetan blouse for my daughter and never once tried to "run my house or life".  There are a lot of unhappy people in this world who derive pleasure from controlling the lives of others. 

Sadly - many people have "strings" attached to their love or friendship.  My Mum used to give us things but always with "strings attached".  A gift is a gift and one should be able to do whatever one wants with a gift. My Dad was just the opposite - he'd give you the MOON if you wanted it and no strings attached.

One thing I've discovered as I grow older.   I don't like people telling me what to do!  I obeyed my parents with utmost obedience (and gladly so).  I obeyed my teachers and professors and bosses.  But I reached a point in my life (duh, maybe having a heart attack will do that???) where I woke up and said: "I owe allegiance to God and my husband - in that order".  I don't really appreciate someone telling me what "else" I could be doing with my time or how I could be making soap from scraps just to save $1.00.  We work very, very hard for a living.

Be wary of the control freak types - they are not here to "help" you in any way.  A friend told me long ago:  "Friends come into your lives for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME" - so determine that well.

BUT - as I said - this life is very, very short and we should appreciate it.  Try to LOVE as much as you can and try to forgive.  KEEP away from those who try to malipulate or control.  Try to desensetize as much as possible.